Help me work it out
by shiukomumtaz
Summary: Miyuki can't suppress his feelings for Sawamura, and starts to think that he can't be around him anymore. But with a bit of distance, he realises that he doesn't want to be anywhere else. Misawa


1

Miyuki gazed across the field at practice, watching Sawamura talk to his roommate during a quick break. Sawamura was striking – he was all that Miyuki could think about. His golden eyes were fired up as Kuramochi teased him. Then, as he became defensive towards the shortstop, Miyuki thought that he was just so passionate, so alive, so… beautiful.

He sighed. He knew that he had it bad. He looked away, trying not to hope that Sawamura might swing the same way as him. He'd heard enough conversations in the locker room to hint to him that it made Sawamura uncomfortable. He needed to find a way to get over his feelings. He decided that he would avoid Sawamura in order to be able to move on.

2

But Sawamura seemed to have different ideas about spending time together. It happened relatively quickly - he started hunting Miyuki down at the dorms during their free time.

First it was:

 _"Miyuki what are you up to? Can you catch for me?"_

Then:

 _"Miyuki do you want to walk to the convenience store for a snack?"_

Then:

 _"Miyuki do you want to come play games with me and Mochi-senpai?"_

To:

 _"Miyuki can I hang out in your room again tonight?"_

Miyuki couldn't say no to Sawamura's requests and they were getting more demanding. They were bathing together, eating together, studying together. Miyuki was having a hard time keeping his longing for the other boy under control. And he loved every second of their time together, even though it was very bittersweet.

Miyuki cherished the times that he and Sawamura stayed up late in the cafeteria watching games from other high school teams. Sawamura would pay such close attention while Miyuki explained different plays and it made the older boy yearn for them to have more rivals, more games to watch. Sawamura would always fuss over him, sorting out snacks, drinks and even working out where they would sit. He always sat just close enough for Miyuki to dream that it meant something, even though he knew that that wasn't possible.

Their trips to get ice cream, or drinks or even plain onigiri at night meant a lot to Miyuki. He looked forward to those walks to the convenience store which started to happen at odd hours of the day or night, and became almost a daily occurrence. They'd walk through the park near the school and the moonlight or dappled shadows from the trees made Sawamura look even more beautiful.

One day they were lying on Sawamura's bed reading manga. They lay side by side, their shoulders touching, looking up every so often to show each other interesting scenes. Miyuki didn't even really like manga, but he would do anything to lie close the pitcher like this – watching his expressions change depending on what happened in the stories he was reading. When Miyuki took a break to rest his eyes, Sawamura lay his head on Miyuki's chest. Miyuki felt so complete.

He started to get used to seeing Sawamura after school, after practice, after dinner. He was barely on top of his schoolwork, but all of their after-hours practice in the bullpen was working out for their battery. Miyuki began to think that the time might come when he could confess to Sawamura and make him his boyfriend. He was slowly working up the courage to do so. Because every day that passed, he thought that he was seeing Sawamura's underlying feelings showing.

Then one day, he had convinced Sawamura to go into town. They went to a game centre, got ice cream and walked around lost in conversation. Then they bought themselves hot drinks to take to sit on the bleachers on their way back to the dorms. Sawamura rested his head on Miyuki's shoulder as the older boy sipped his coffee. Miyuki was just gathering the courage to confess his feelings when Sawamura voiced his own thoughts aloud.

"It's been so hard since Haruichi got a girlfriend. I've just been so bored all the time. Thanks for keeping me company, Miyuki."

Miyuki looked down in surprise.

"You've been hanging out with me because you're bored?"

Sawamura blushed as he looked down at his drink. Then he straightened his shoulders. His reply was very disinterested and he wouldn't meet Miyuki's eyes; it made Miyuki uneasy. His feelings worsened when he heard what Sawamura had to say.

"Yeah. Of course, why else would I hang out with you?"

Sawamura blushed brilliantly as he said those words. Miyuki felt overwhelmed with hurt but managed to hide it. When they got back to the dorms, Sawamura fussed with his shopping shyly, then leaned against the doorframe and gazed up at Miyuki for a few moments.

"That was a great day. See you tomorrow, Miyuki."

Miyuki smiled as they said goodnight, but his smile was forced. His face felt frozen, his feelings shattered. He returned to his room, utterly heartbroken.

3

The next time that Sawamura wanted to see him, Miyuki rejected him.

"Go hang out with Kuramochi… Or Haruichi… Or Anyone."

"What do you mean?"

"Look I just don't want to see you." Miyuki stated. He stood defensively in his doorway, hoping that Sawamura wouldn't see the tense way that he gripped the door handle. Sawamura looked surprised, then confused, then worried.

"What have I done?"

Miyuki looked away and sighed.

"It's nothing. I just can't see you right now, ok?"

Making some excuse he couldn't remember later, he closed the door in the other boy's bewildered face.

The following day, Sawamura came by again to hang out after dinner. Miyuki wouldn't let him in.

"I'm sorry, Sawamura."

"Miyuki…"

Sawamura reached for his hand. Miyuki didn't mean to, but he pulled away.

"What is it?" He asked, tense.

Sawamura looked up at him, sad. He knit his eyebrows together and sighed, looking down at the ground.

"Nothing. I'm just… sorry for whatever I did."

Miyuki felt hurt all over again. Sawamura didn't even know what he had done! But he felt bad blaming the younger boy. He sighed and attempted a smile.

"Don't worry about it."

"Are we ok?"

"Yeah. Nothing was ever wrong," he lied. "Look, I have to study. I'll catch you later."

"Ok."

Miyuki closed the door and leaned against it, exhausted. He felt completely worn down.

Sawamura tried to see Miyuki a few more times, but Miyuki just couldn't do it. He had managed to get out of any confrontation at least, but things between them were over - they didn't hang out after that. Miyuki continued to avoid the pitcher, and his evasive behaviour did not go unnoticed.

4

At practice the next week, Kuramochi approached Miyuki, who was preoccupied with avoiding Sawamura. The shortstop looked exhausted as he confronted him.

"Stop ignoring him, Miyuki. He's a mess."

"Ignoring who?" Miyuki replied, feigning ignorance.

"You know who. He's been sulking in our room all week. I can't deal with this!"

"Why is he sulking? I'm still talking to him." Miyuki muttered. Kuramochi rolled his eyes.

"You _know_ why he's sulking. Just tell him how you feel already!" Kuramochi heaved a huge sigh and walked back to the others.

Miyuki looked up and saw Sawamura glance at him from across the field. When they made eye contact, the pitcher looked away. Miyuki realised that he had only been thinking about himself and not the person who he cared for. He felt terrible when he realised he might have hurt Sawamura.

5

First thing after dinner that night, Miyuki hunted Sawamura down in his room. The pitcher answered the door and was sullen when he saw who it was. Miyuki braved the younger boy's mood. He put on a bright smile.

"Sawamura, want to watch a movie with me?"

Sawamura hesitated, his eyes downcast.

"Hmm… maybe not."

"Are you sure? It's your favourite director."

Sawamura looked around awkwardly.

"Hmm… I dunno…"

Miyuki realised that he'd have to be more honest.

"I missed you." He said quietly.

"Huh!?"

Sawamura blushed a bright red. Miyuki sniggered.

"Made you blush!"

Sawamura sighed with relief at what he thought was Miyuki's attempt at a joke. He still didn't seem sure of what to say about the movie, so Miyuki grabbed his hand.

"Here, come on, let's just go watch it." He smiled and beckoned to Sawamura to follow.

Sawamura deliberated what to do, then broke into a big smile. Miyuki had missed that smile so much. Over the next couple of weeks, Miyuki made sure to make it up to the younger boy at every chance that he got. They slowly resumed their full-time friendship.

6

One afternoon, Miyuki ran into Sawamura walking down the hallway, a convenience store shopping bag in his hand. Miyuki had missed walking to the store with him. He gestured to the bag.

"If you want, I'll sit with you while you eat."

"Yeah, ok."

They wandered up to the practice field and settled on the bleachers. Sawamura pulled out some sweets and a black coffee.

"You don't like coffee."

"Yeah it reminded me of you so..." He blushed and looked down, fiddling with the pull tab.

Then, embarrassed, he looked away. Miyuki studied his profile as he stared at the ground. He dared to turn Sawamura up to face him. He studied the other boy, trying to work out what he was thinking. Sawamura's eyes widened and a blush crept up on his face. He looked up into Miyuki's eyes, then down at his lips, then back at his eyes. He looked like he wanted to be kissed.

"You do like me…" Miyuki whispered. Sawamura pulled away immediately.

"Of course, I don't! Liking a guy is kinda…well…" He looked up awkwardly.

"I'm pretty sure liking a guy is no different." Miyuki said as he looked out into the field.

"Hmm…" Sawamura didn't seem too convinced.

Miyuki wondered how to handle Sawamura's view on that. He drew a deep breath, then took the drink out of Sawamura's hand and set it on the seat beside him.

"Humour me. I've always wondered what it would be like… We should try it because I really want to know… Just to see if anything bad will happen! Which I'm sure it won't."

"Try what, Miyuki?"

"Kissing - two guys."

Miyuki realised that his methods where shady, but he wanted to show Sawamura that it was going to be ok. Sawamura blinked in confusion.

"What?!"

Miyuki shrugged. Sawamura still looked unsure about it so Miyuki smiled gently.

"Help me out. I just want some answers."

Sawamura looked at him with suspicion, but leaned in anyway. Miyuki raised a hand to his chin. "Great. Now relax."

Sawamura relaxed his shoulders. He met Miyuki's gaze for a few moments, then closed his eyes shyly. Miyuki thought he looked beautiful and wanted to simply stare, but he was also eager to connect with him. He leaned in and pressed a very light kiss on the other boy's lips, then pulled back. Sawamura opened his eyes after a moment.

"Was that ok?" Miyuki asked, searching his face for a reaction.

"I couldn't tell. Do it again, Miyuki."

"Ok."

Miyuki leaned in again. His kiss this time was firmer. After a moment of uncertainty, Sawamura kissed him back shyly. Then, as the younger boy became more confident, Miyuki kissed him again. Then once more for good measure. When he went to break apart, Sawamura reached for him and pulled him back in. After a few long, drawn out kisses they separated. Miyuki looked to Sawamura to see what he thought of it. The younger boy met his eyes curiously. He reached for Miyuki again as the older boy tried to straighten up.

"One more time, Miyuki."

Miyuki was happy to do it again. He teased Sawamura's lips, licked his bottom lip and the younger boy opened his mouth slightly wider. Miyuki could taste the coffee Sawamura had been drinking. They explored each other's mouths, entwined their tongues curiously, then Sawamura let Miyuki pull back and suck a few light love bites on his neck. He sighed softly as Miyuki marked him.

"Did you like that?" Miyuki asked as he pulled away.

"Yeah. Can we do it just once more?"

Miyuki smirked and edged closer to Sawamura.

"Yes."

Sawamura wrapped his arms around Miyuki's shoulders. He took the lead, kissing Miyuki confidently. He explored Miyuki's mouth with his tongue, then tried pressing a few kisses on Miyuki's neck and throat. Miyuki relaxed and simply enjoyed being with the boy he had liked for months. They continued to make out lazily in front of a beautiful sunset that they didn't even look at. Sawamura let Miyuki feel him up a bit, slide his hands under his shirt. Miyuki couldn't believe how lucky he was to be there in that moment. Their kisses gradually lightened up and became softer, sweeter. Sawamura pulled back, happy.

"So?" Miyuki asked.

"Nothing bad happened… You were right," Sawamura acknowledged with a smile. He looked like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. Miyuki dared to put an arm around him; Sawamura huddled in against him. After a comfortable silence, Sawamura nudged Miyuki. "Here there's another coffee in here. I forgot to offer you some."

As Miyuki took a sip, Sawamura spoke.

"Miyuki do you… like me?"

Miyuki choked on his drink. He coughed and spluttered, trying not to get coffee everywhere. After he recovered, he looked at Sawamura's worried face. He decided to be honest.

"Yes. The answer is I do. A lot."

Sawamura looked happy to hear it. He leaned his head on Miyuki's shoulder and Miyuki felt relieved by his warm reaction. Then, embarrassed by the confession of his strong feelings. he took Sawamura by the hand. He wanted to just hang out with him. He had missed it.

"Let's go play some games or something." He said. Sawamura's face lit up.

"Yeah! Sounds good!"

They got up and walked back to the dorms and Miyuki felt as pleased as Sawamura looked. He thought that he might have to take it slowly before talking about things like being boyfriends with him, but he'd wait until he was ready. He had already waited a long time for him and he knew that Sawamura was definitely worth it.


End file.
